Feels Like the First Time.

It was a fluke, the first time we were together after he cheated. I was lonely and confused. I was a mess. I felt like I had some weird score to settle. He said that he hadnt felt like I wanted him in years. Well, ok. Thats pretty much true. He said that our sex drives didnt match anymore. Also true. I said that we had no spark left in our relationship. True again. I said he never touched me unless it was to shove his hand down my pants and say "wanna fuck?" (Yuck. Bet you're hot now, right? Disgusting.) I would change into my pajamas at lightning speed so that he wouldnt see me naked and get any ideas. Anyway, you get the idea. We were messed up. There was NO intimacy, no romance, no kiss hello, no kiss goodbye.
I was crying. Laying in bed crying. I asked him to just lay with me. I just wanted to forget for a minute. I wanted to remember what it felt like to have my husband put his arms around me. But even more I wanted him to remember. Why didnt he remember? There was a time when we couldnt get enough of one another. He would reach out to touch me every time I moved in his direction. So that night, when I asked him to, he laid down next to me. I dont think he wanted to though. He thought I was confused. He probably thought I was going to smother him with his pillow once he fell asleep. (Mentally unstable, anyone?) But I wasnt interested in killing him. I wanted him to touch me, I wanted him to WANT me. For the first time in forever, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to hear him say my name. The feeling was intense. It was like a million rocks were crushing me and he was the only one who could dig me out. And that night he did. I could breathe again.